Aggressive Behavior and Day Care: Formula for Bullying?
- © Michele Toomey, PhD • Thursday, May 3, 2001

The headlines lead with an alarming tone: study reveals children in day care exhibit aggressive behavior. Mothers already torn or guilt ridden for leaving their child in day care, find themselves taking a direct hit. Documentation that proves day care fosters aggression in children is shouting at the public through the voice of the media, highlighted by the conservative talk show hosts who are having a field day. But, wait, did anyone headline the sentence in the report that said the aggressive behavior was within the normal range? Or that the study was not designed to look at aggressive behavior?

Ironically, we get alarmed over half-truths and become accustomed to harsh realities. Aggressive behavior is not in itself a violent act. Children need a certain amount of aggression to interact with each other. The thing to fear is hostile aggressive behavior that is not addressed.

Bullying is an outgrowth of hostility, not merely of aggression. A bully wants to intimidate and inflict harm. If we're going to study the climate of day care and its potential to cultivate bullying, we'd need to measure the degree of hostility being exhibited by the workers and the children. If we find that day care is a breeding ground for hostility we should be panicked, not just alarmed. We have a right to expect that the environment of day care is a nurturing one. We have a right to expect that children are taught how to play fair and how to speak up and not tolerate it when they aren't treated fairly. I would wish we would also expect that they be taught how to confront each other with fairness and exact accountability. This would be our greatest protection against aggressive behavior leading to hostile bullying behavior.

Bullying gains momentum when it is tolerated and not stopped. If we teach our children how to interact fairly and how to confront each other when they are mistreated, and how to be accountable when they are confronted, then aggressive behavior becomes a positive force. To be able to confront a bully takes aggression. If children only react with fear and withdraw or remain silent, bullying works. When bullying works, aggression is associated with abusive behavior and violent acts. When bullies are confronted, negative hostile aggression is met with positive fair aggression. If our day care teaches confrontation with accountability, there is a checks and balance for aggressive behavior that protects, not violates our children. Let's get aggressive about demanding that!