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June 8, 2004

The recent courtroom appearance of a student who struck back at a longstanding bully that resulted in both boys, bullied and bully, being sentenced, calls the question on who is to blame for allowing this ongoing bullying. According to reports, the bullied boy's mother had contacted the school many times to no avail. Where were the teachers and the principal in all this?

In my opinion, they are the ultimate offenders. Adults are supposed to protect children under their care. Students in school are under the care of the teachers and administrators. When bullying occurs at school, they are the ones reponsible for stopping it. Obviously they didn't. The question I then ask, "Why aren't the school authorities in court responding to child endangerment?"

If the bullying had been effectively dealt with by the school, then the bullied boy would not have finally lost control and struck back in what could have caused a significant injury. The failure of school officials to deal effectively with bullying is as much of a crime as the bullying and the physical injury resulting from the bullying.

I think parents should demand accountability from the teachers and administrators of their children's school. Any complaint of bullying should be met with swift and effective action. I have been extremely successful in teaching teachers and administrators how to teach children fairness and accountability and then holding students accountable for their actions. By teaching children how to express their feelings with fairness and respect, and how to demand accountability from each other, bullying becomes a non-issue.

A system must be in place for demanding accountability of the students and teachers, but that can be done most effectively by an accountability committee composed of faculty and students. Students or teachers who are having conflict they can't resolve are brought before the accountability committee to express what is going on for them in the situation causing the conflict. The committee helps each party claim their part in what is going wrong, thus being accountable, then as each one hears the other the conversation should result in a better understanding of the issues and where fairness lies. The committee then makes a recommendation on how to proceed in the future in a way that they feel is fair to both parties. Follow up meetings will be held to see that things are changing and if necessary mete out consequences to any party still offending. The case is not dropped until it is resolved.

This system never allows bullying to continue unattended and never tolerates any abuse, verbal or physical. Everyone learns the skills of confrontation with accountability that actually stand them in good stead the rest of their lives, and the school climate is one of fairness and respect. Incidences of abuse become minimal and certainly are not tolerated when they occur. Bullies are not allowed to make bullying a way of life at school and the bullied do not learn to either take abuse or become abusive themselves.

To not hold a school accountable for tolerating bullying is a crime. If a few school officials went on trial for endangering their students, you can be sure they would stop being so tolerant of bullying and take appropriate action. The same is true of parents. If they don't protect their children from abuse, they, too, should go on trial. We say we love our children, so why don't we prosecute those who don't protect the children under their care.?

I strongly suggest that any parent or teacher or school administrator reading this commentary, read the section of my web page on confrontation with accountability, on teaching teachers how to be accountable and how to teach their students accountability as well. I have seen the wonderful results of this approach and know the powerful effect it can have.

It is not enough to punish bullies. We must teach them another way to deal with their frustration, anger, hurt, or disappointment by confronting it and demanding accountability. Neither is it enough to take action to protect the bullied. We must teach them how to confront and how to demand accountability. Then and only then will children know how to deal with fear and anger without bullying or tolerating bullying.

So, parents, demand accountability from your school administrators and teachers. Otherwise you, as well as your children, are the bullied. You are failing in your parental role as your children's protector and teacher, if you allow a school administration to go unpunished for not protecting your child in school. If you can't get them held legally responsible and can't get them prosecuted, then get them fired for allowing bullying in school to continue after repeated requests to stop it.! Don't accept inaction.Your child's well being is at stake.

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