And What Do We Say About A Mother Who Murders Her Children?
- © Michele Toomey, PhD •  June 30, 2001

Some say she deserves to die, and should receive the death penalty. Others say post partum depression can escalate into a psychosis that renders the mother insane. I say, let's look at ourselves and how we indirectly contribute to the environment that fosters such a tragedy. First, our attitude toward motherhood and family size. From what the media reports, this mother experienced severe post partum depression after the fourth child, and attempted suicide, yet she had a fifth only 18 months later, and her 5 children are all under age 7. Nothing indicates having more children is good for this mother, but, who's listening? She's not. Her husband's not. Just the blind acceptance that motherhood is a wonderful gift and children are a blessing. Well, this wonder and this blessing yielded a tragedy. The clues were there. Why weren't the parents listening? We had set in motion the support for having more children. Women are supposed to thrive on pregnancy and motherhood, and often women fearing something's wrong with them if they don't want more, deny what's happening to them.

Then there's our attitude toward depression in general, and post partum depression in particular. This mother is described as robot like and more seriously depressed since her father's death several months ago. Our response, medication and some help from her mother-in-law. Yet, she's home all day with 5 young children, obviously in trouble mentally, and she is supposed to figure out how to climb out from this borderline dysfunctional state by continuing to "keep on keeping on" with her everyday tasks and life. Where is our sense of alarm? Why do we continue business as usual regardless of the warning signs that all is not well? Why do we deny the critical nature of the condition until it's too late? Certainly, for many complex reasons, but what about a couple of the more obvious? What about being so invested in the motherhood mystique that we don't want to see or hear anything to the contrary. Safer to deny her condition is critical and instead hope and pray she weathers the storm and eventually comes out of it. Never mind she's suffering and it's evident. Love her, kiss her and tell her she'll be alright and then go on with life, she with hers and you with yours.

No doubt that often works. Women most often eventually either get effective help, their hormonal condition stabilizes, or somehow nothing tragic happens and over time they come out of the despairing state of post partum depression. Marie Osmond being a case in point. However, the last thing a mother suffering from post partum depression needs is another pregnancy, another birth, and another hormonal roller coaster. If we took post partum depression seriously, we'd know that, heed that, and hold off another pregnancy. That takes both husband and wife, mother and father, making that assessment and decision. It also takes OBGYN'S making that assessment and encouraging a decision to wait or to have no more children. There were already four other children here. Now there are more.

We downplay depression, especially post partum depression and we downplay the potential for suicide or for murder of the children. Yet, statistics reveal that both do occur and suicide was attempted here and the children were murdered. So why don't we err on the side of caution? Because we deny. We pretend. We gamble and we hope nothing will happen. When it does, we decry it, condemn the mother caught in it, and pretend we're innocent bystanders who can't comprehend the horror of a mother killing her children, in this case, one at a time, five times.

I suggest there are seven victims here, 5 children and 2 parents, and there is a societal mythology that supported two parents to allow these conditions to exist and not be seriously addressed. Both parents need to answer to this. All of us need to respond to this. Things need to change. Assumptions need to be re-examined and the welfare of mothers needs to be valued and taken care of so that the welfare of children will be protected. We didn't, we don't and they're not. That's the tragedy.