And Two Students Are Dead
- © Michele Toomey, PhD • March 14, 2001

The shootings at Santana High in Santee, California, shock us. Again. A school principal tells us she has security guards in the school, has a policy in place for just such emergencies, that she herself has been trained in dealing with hostage situations, and her students have participated in anti-violence programs. And yet, two of her students are dead and 13 others are wounded. A fifteen-year-old freshman male student is in custody. What is there we didn't learn from Columbine?

We didn't learn that personal intervention and taking threats seriously is the only way to prevent violence. That alienation, ostracization and bullying are destructive forces. There aren't enough guards to protect every student, and no program, no matter how effective, can reach inside every student who is troubled. We need to reach them by caring about them, establishing a relationship with them and inviting them to confide in us when they are worried or upset. The point is to prevent the acts of violence before they happen. It's not possible to respond quickly enough after the fact. Mere minutes elapsed in Santee, yet there were deaths, there were wounded, and there was trauma. Even a few minutes was too late. Troubled students need help before they get to the point of no return. They need to feel things can change.

After Columbine I wrote of the dangerous role silence played in allowing the tragedy to unfold. And this time, what do students and adults who knew the shooter tell us? That he talked about shooting up the school. That he indicated he was troubled. Was he joking? His friends and adults who heard him obviously thought he was, or hoped he was. At airports we arrest passengers who mention taking guns on board or threaten to blow up the plane. Why is it considered more frightening to risk the possibility of violence on a plane than it is in a school? Why do classmates keep silent and refuse to take seriously a fellow student's threats? Once again, silence is the culprit. Not wanting to exaggerate youthful "joking around" about possible violent acts, or not wanting to look stupid or get someone in trouble by reporting a possible danger that may be an "idle threat", the decision is made to say nothing. Better to treat it as nothing and hope it's nothing. But if you're wrong? "Oops. Sorry. If only I had been certain."

May we please learn, once and for all, there is no way to be certain until it's too late. So let's just have this essential policy and agreement, whenever any student speaks of doing violence at school to anyone, it must be reported to an adult. Perhaps each student, especially in these large schools with thousands of students, could select a teacher of their choice to be their confidante. Whenever they have the need to talk about themselves or have a concern over a friend who seems troubled and possibly considering violence, they could have a ready made channel for taking that self-selected teacher into their confidence. We want our children and youth to include us in their loop and develop a trust in us that says we will take what they tell us seriously and responsibly and deal with it.

The protocol would need to be clear, that once they confide in us we will help them deal with it by following up with a meeting with them and the student they are concerned about. Together we will talk to the troubled student and together we'll decide on the best plan of action to address the presenting issues. Already an intervention is occurring. With care and respect, an adult becomes involved at the ground level and the students aren't in it alone. Troubled students need our help. Once the tragedy occurs, the opportunity for help is lost. It's too late. By involving an adult, the adult has the responsibility to give and get the necessary help for a troubled student before it's too late.

Students learn that telling adults takes the isolating burden of worry and fear off from them and makes it a shared worry with the intent of dealing with it. Instead of just hoping a tragedy is not really going to become a reality, they are in a position to take an action and begin the process of an intervention to try to prevent one. There is no punishment, no public outcry, just the beginning of working with whatever sources of alienation, fear, hurt, anger, delusions or self-doubt are rumbling about within a student in trouble. Parents, teachers, administrators and counselors can meet and talk, yes, talk with each other about the potential danger of allowing this particular student to go unattended in his state of turmoil. They can join together and take appropriate steps to protect both the student and the rest of the school from actions of desperation.

Within the school, classes and groups could be formed so that discussions could be part of the school's curriculum. Learning to talk with each other, be heard with care and respect, and then to address and confront and exact accountability for whatever is causing stress or unhappiness should be something we teach our children. We can't just hope they figure it out. We don't leave to chance that they figure out the rules of the road and how to drive a car safely. We require lessons and supervised practice. We require passing a test and getting a license. We require insurance in case there's an accident and someone gets hurt. When are we going to have as much respect and fear of the potential for personal harm and violence to themselves and to others if despairing and angry thoughts and feelings aren't processed with accountability.

If these feelings are confronted and processed with integrity and accountability is exacted, then there is movement in a way that brings a sense of hope and relief. From both Columbine and Santee we have seen the role alienation and bullying play in contributing to violent acts. We must confront the bullies and this meanness that has become an increasingly prevalent presence in our schools. If we have our finger on the pulse of individual students and our active attention is directed toward their individual needs, we will know of these abuses and can address them and help bring about change.

Just as we can't tolerate silence when threats of violence are made, neither can we tolerate bullying or verbal abuse. By confronting both silence and bullying we are closer to the sources of rage, despair and alienation that can erupt into violence. We can be part of preventing it, not reacting to it. Certainly, what we would prefer. The bottom line is, therefore, that we must be included in our students' lives, not be outside of them. We must be able to be trusted to deal respectfully and caringly with their worries, and be effective in bringing about some resolution and movement. We must be a force for growth, not just a counter force against violence.