The Pressure to Tolerate Verbal Abuse
- © Michele Toomey, PhD • May 23, 2000

No black eye, no fat lip, no broken bones. Conclusion, no abuse. Not true, but often assumed to be true. Therefore, we grow up denying the presence of verbal abuse, so, of course, we are expected to ignore it. What's even more insidious, however, is the fact that one day when we finally awaken to the brutality of being verbally abused, and begin to speak about it to family and friends, they don't want to hear it. First, they are caught in the tradition of denying its presence, so they don't want their belief system disturbed. Then, they are caught in denying its price, so they don't want the peace disturbed. This climate, therefore, breeds yet another demand to be silent, and triggers anger if the silence is broken. "Turn the other cheek, don't cause trouble, take it like a man, stop whining like a woman." For sure, don't expose the abuse. If you do, be prepared to be isolated, to be blamed, to be accused as the one in the wrong, and be prepared not to be heard. However, pressure or no pressure, be proud of being awakened to the fact that verbal abuse is abusive, and be courageous enough to take a stand against it, and not tolerate it. The power of silence is in silence. By breaking the silence you lessen its power and thus the power of the abuser. Exposure erodes the protective cover of abuse and of the abuser, so use the power of speech. Speak out, speak up, and stand firm. Your stature will emerge and your liberation will follow. An outcome worthy of the price.